Recovering From Being In A War Would Have Been Pretty Crappy

April 8, 2015 by  
Filed under The Fitness Bug

 

We’re pretty damn lucky, us dwellers of the naughties – especially if we happen to live in one of the first world ‘lucky’ countries. But wait, what do I mean by naughties?

You know, the people and generation who live in the 2000s. The naughts are zeros… geddit? Anyway, we were born after any significant famine, war, major upset or real problem in our lives. We get our iPhone updates regularly, can get pretty much anything delivered direct to our door from online and haven’t ever had to want for or deal with anything largely significant or risky if we live in one of the entitled first world countries.

Oh yeah, don’t get me wrong, there is a
lot
of really messed up stuff that is happening in other countries – and to be honest even in our own, Australia, in terms of things like asylum seekers, mandatory detention centres; not to mention all of the things that affect humanity day in, day out… But this is not a piece detailing the horrible stuff that happens in life, much as it is a relevant topic for discussion. No, this is a decidedly, deliberately upbeat and more light-hearted look at some of the more interesting elements of the fall out from being in a war! Whether that’s a light hearted topic or not is another issue, but let’s take a tongue in cheek
look at things and see how we go. Actually to make things interesting, let’s have a look at what would happen if you were in a war today, and how it would affect you, the middle class dwelling entitled person of Australia.

 

You would have missed all of your
ridiculous breakfasts

That’s right, all the poached eggs and
corn fritters that you usually ingest after a big night on the tiles would have gone begging as you fronted up to face Charlie with some sophisticated musket-type thing over your shoulder. You probably would have had to manage to scrape by nutrition-wise on some kind of scram bar or dehydrated snack of some kind… Oh the humanity.
Doubtless your ingenuity would have allowed you make some kind of interesting riff on the theme of your army breakfast, and you might have even managed something interesting with your powdered scrambled eggs. Who knows?

 

You would finally have lost some of that excess weight from your university days

There’s really nothing like months and months of ongoing walking and fighting to help you to shed those final 5 kilograms that have been lingering ever since you decided to take up drinking beer as a professional endeavour in your days in the halls at uni.If you got totally stuck you could always have done as your mates did and buy ultimate nutrition products from Supps R Us to help you to bulk up if you lost too much weight post-war. But then, that’s probably not an issue now, is it?

 

You would have so much Game Of Thrones to catch up on

Yep. You think George RR Martin would be out fighting for Tony Abbot and country? Hell the shit no. He would
be sitting atop some kind of sofa arrangement tapping away at his
keyboard thinking up the next adventures for Khaleesi and her dragons to go gallivanting around on, while you slogged it out in the mud.

Well, the bonus is at least if you didn’t lose your hearing or sight in the flak filled battle fields that you were wandering around on you’d be in for the biggest binge of Game Of Thrones ever recorded in the whole of history. Well heck, maybe this war business
ain’t so bad after all…

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